Well, I Declare!

Years ago, my estranged husband proposed to me with the verse

"O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His Name together."
Psalm 34.3

(I'm brewing a post about the beauty of Psalm 34 -- even though it's a song that is infused with loss now -- and the promises in it that I memorized as a kid but hadn't really unpacked until recently. But that's for another day.)

We two glorifying God together, serving God together. We two walking through life together with the Lord as the Center. We two growing in our faith together. That still sounds good to me.

"As for me and my house, 

we will serve the Lord!"

Joshua 24.15

Many years ago, I claimed this as my "life verse", the one that had my name on it. Then when we started having children, I made it our "family verse". Psalm 34.3 and Joshua 24.15 seemed to go well together. 

We seven glorifying God together, serving God together. We seven walking through life together with the Lord as the Center. We seven growing in our faith together. That was my whole life's purpose.

A few years later, I wrote a family declaration, a proclamation of who we as a family are, our tenets if you will. The idea was borrowed, but I am sorry to say that I don't remember to whom the credit is due. 

I didn't realize at the time that it was part of the growing desperation to keep my marriage and family intact as I was in denial that my husband had begun to walk away, or at least had already made the decision. He fought it. He found ways to avoid dinner/Bible devotions. So, I moved the time to breakfast, but then he decided he would just make a health shake every day and go instead of sitting down with us. Pretty quickly, we rarely had a meal with all of us at the table. Even thinking back to that time and the worry that was birthed in me then makes my insides twist.

Anyway, I dusted the list of our family tenets off today and realized something wonderful. 

It's beautiful. It's good. It's brave. What I hoped, and prayed, and pressed, and fought for us to be together as a couple and as a family was a lovely, godly, and worthwhile way to be and to live even though I failed at it.

IN OUR FAMILY, WE…

… honor God.  All of our behavior is measured against this standard.

… have our priorities straight which means that we serve God first, then each other, then others.

… love one another.  That means we treat each other with gentleness and kindness.  We live the Golden Rule.

… value and respect each other’s feelings, wishes, personal property, and boundaries.  We take care to build and maintain lifelong, loving relationships.

… tell the truth no matter what the situation or the consequences.

… work towards excellence in every area of our lives to please and glorify God, even when there is no visible reward.

… value and celebrate each other’s strengths and have grace for and help each other in our weaknesses.

… assume good intentions from each other.

… forgive and forgive and forgive.  We do not return unkindness with unkindness, but exchange it for mercy and love.  We turn the other cheek.

… we work to build a lasting foundation in Jesus Christ to hold fast through life’s storms and disasters.

Looking back, I realize that as soon as my husband and son moved out I immediately began the process of reclaiming this territory, starting with the Golden Rule. Kind words, gentleness, truthfulness, forgiveness, and letting go of strife have been required day in and day out. No more chaos. No more fighting. No more lying. No more really bad stuff! And no more constant anxiety and uptightness. I told everyone, "Starting today, people, we are going to be down-tight!" That's right. It's a word now. Down-tight. It'll catch on.

Digging this out inspired me to be even more intentional about it. So, starting today we're memorizing these again! In a perfect world, my whole family would be seeking God and unity and loving one another together, but it's not a perfect world. My family is broken. As my 6-year-old daughter explained, "Our family was one heart, but now two pieces are missing."

But, that also means that (barring a miracle) I am now the head of my household, and I get to lead it! Even though I have to do it alone, I want to lead well. Lead towards Jesus. Lead towards Love!

"I will wait here. Go and wake the others 

and tell them to follow. 

If they will not, then you at least must 

follow Me alone."

~Aslan

"Train up a child in the way he should go 

and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Proverbs 22.6

Several months ago, I threw a big hissy fit and threw Joshua 24.15 back at God telling Him He could keep it! I didn't even want to open the Word to that page! It hurt too much to have my whole life's purpose be rejected and thrown away.

But, God's been reminding me of the goodness of it. The richness of it. And that I didn't fail. Not by a long shot. Lord willing, I still have years ahead of me to lead my children in those family tenets. Even though I do so alone.

So, I declare our family proclamations. And I declare:

"I will magnify the Lord and exalt His Name!"

because

"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!"